Discent Into Darkness / The New World of Cancer

I was discharged that evening on the day of my formal diagnosis. My finance' at the time took me to the trilogy " Lord of The Rings ". I remember lying asleep in her lap for most of the performance. Little did I realize that the characters and paradigm of these scenes would play an important role in my survival. The next six-eight weeks, I recall, were living hell. I was a physical and emotional wreck. The pain continued to get worse on my side causing significant insomnia each night. I felt terror day and night. With each visit to the medical centers in the midwest, I was given the same reponse. "We're sorry, dire prognosis, no hope". Many of them suggested a similar treatment, "Interferon" to stave off the progression of the deadly cancer cells. The also described how between 25-30% of patients with my diagnosis would be gone in the first 12-18 months in people with my clinical picture.

A colleague of mine had given me the office number of one of the most eminent liver surgeons in the world. He had a distinct european accent and practiced out of Sloan
Kettering Cancer Center in New York City. After I got done describing my pathology reports to him there was a long pause-then he stated the same four words that I had started to but into: "There is no hope". Downtrodden and discouraged, I started on a journey to MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. During this time, I continued to loose weight and was terrified night and day. The second day of driving, I recall was uneventful untill we got into Tennessee. I looked up into the sky to see a beautiful flock of birds flying in formation fairly high into the sky. They seemed to be leading our car. At the time I thought it was rather strange. They seemd to be leading us. About twenty five minutes later, we looked up and saw this enormous cross sittting in the median of the expressway. I would say it was 250 feet high.
It was so expansive and statuesque it reminded me of a silver stealth missle. I can still recall the sun as it glistened off the top of it. I asked Greta to pull the car over to the side of the road. I got out and went to a wooded are and stood next to a tree. ( I felt dizzy and exhausted ) I knelt down and started weeping and crying. At that moment I could feel the agony and poison start to leave my body. I cried to God for help. A few moments later I could actually feel movement inside my heart. This was followed by a voice in my chest that told me " It is I, take my hand, there is a way through this." For the first time in months I actually felt some softening and inner peace in my heart. I Felt Hope.

Upon arrival in Houston, we found out that my medical records had been displaced. Instead of a week of consultations and a treatment plan, they decided to redo all of my tests and keep me there for a month. ( Costing over 6 thousand dollars ) Again, the terror returned, the fevers, the agony. the horror.

I prayed and was guided to visit a movie theater in between my tests. That same trilogy " Lord of The Rings " was playing and I decided to see it in its entirety. I marveled at its imagery and metaphores. Here they were, four little Hobbits, followed by a small band of rangers, elves, and dwarfs, trying to stave off evil and save mankind form destruction. They were led by a grandfatherly wizard named Gandolf. He was a very mystical figure who seemd anoited with magical powers. His message was one of caution and wisdom. During the performance, I saw many battle scenes with the same metaphore "good verses evil". The evil one named "Saramon" would attempt over and over the gain control over the one ring that could put and evil spell over the earth and mankind. Fighting many battles and aginst all odds Gandolf, the Hobbits and Aragon fought savagely to save earth and the world they loved. Those scenes really got underneath my skin and started to give me hope. Time and again I would watch these small creatures go through living hell to save mankind.
I decided that I would do anything to survive. Moreover I started to realize that the only way I was going to live was to do three things. 1. Set my intention to survive. 2. Give my life and soul to God and ask for his guidance. 3. Start giving to others. That evening I got a phone call from Dr. Jerry Jampolsky, founder of Attitudinal Healing. After sharing with him, about my anxiety and fears I recall him saying."Mark, you know the purpose God has given you, as long as you are still breathing, I want you to pick up that phone and start calling people who are worse off and give them strength. I remember hanging up the phone realizing that I had a new purpose and mission. Those words of wisdom helped save my live.