I would not be sitting here today, June 6th, 2010, journaling about my survival, had it not been for God and Jesus giving me their healing love.
When I first got hit with the news that I had a catastrophic illness, I was a Christian of modest faith. This faith had guided me through a difficult childhood,my family's divorce and other traumas that followed. I had never been much of a church person, but I had a modest belief in God and his son Jesus. As I grew older and became a medical professional, I started asking for more responsibilities at work, possibly to compensate for the low self esteem I've had for most of my life. As time went on, my life took on workaholic tendencies that often wore me down. I leaned on the fact that no matter what I was going through, if I threw myself into my work and lectures, the internal pain and stress would seem to dissolve. At the onset of my initial diagnosis, I was heavily into this mode.
I remember traveling to MD Anderson Cancer Center and the moment I first saw that huge cross off the expressway in Tennessee. I had not slept for weeks and was exhausted. The shearing pain was coming in waves and getting worse in my right side. Moreover my fevers and chills were not abating even with the handfuls of Tylenol I was consuming. Over the previous seven weeks I had been leaning heavily on medical professionals and my friends for support and advice, but I seemed to be getting worse. ( Most patients with primary liver cancer do not make it past 18-24 months )Cancer can humble a person. The events during that day at the cross made me realize that there might be no earthly answer to my dilemma but, I could choose to "see this differntly" ( A Course In Miracles ). I started to understand at that moment that I could choose another way of looking at this. Starting the next day at MD Anderson, I was calm enough to read some bible verses and also lessons form a Course in Miracles. Each day as I awoke, I would do at least thirty minutes of reading followed by hands on imagery on the broken places in my body. During the next two to three years, each season that approached would lead me to new challenges, new mountain tops that I would need to face.As often as I could I would go out into nature. God would speak to me through the air, the wind, the sun the oceans, and the trees. His healing balm and spirit would be sent to me through strangers, animals, movies, humor and thousands of people praying for me. He would guide me to the best experts in the world through the internet, my colleagues, journals, obscure news articles, television programs, phone calls and other fellow cancer patients.The other survivors were invaluable to me. New oportunities of healing started to open up.
During the second year of my diagnosis ( During my divorce ) I recall that another chemotherapy had again failed to work against the advancing tumors. I was very sick and my clinicians at the time had no answers. At a support group in Michigan ( Gildas Club ), I met a woman who was battling advanced breast cancer. She was in a very simular situation as I was and she had also heard that I was a naturopath. During this session she whispered to me that she was giving herself a natural chemotherapy called Ukraine ( from Europe ) and that it was staving off the progression of her tumors. This therapy would attack only the cancer cells and had minimal side effects. I did some of my own research and found that it had potential with liver cancer and sarcomas . Sure enough, within weeks my friends and colleagues started putting on fundraisers so that I could pay the significant price tag for this product. I was on it for ten months and it did put me into a partial remission for awhile. I consider that a miracle. There are no coincidences in life. I know in my heart that God put this woman in my life for a reason.
Fellow cancer patients and other survivors are an important link in the circle of life. They are undervalued and not talked about enough. They can open doors to new treatments that many patients are not aware of. They give hope and inspiration to others around them. Moreover they are constantly coming up with new strategies to save their own life and others. Many are doing integrative treatments on themselves and adding nutritional anti-cancer therapies to their regimen. These are the herioc individuals that are silently mentoring other survivors. We need to study them more closely and learn from them.
Take Home Points / Bullets :
Ask yourself what do I need to do to feel safe right now?
What are the components or circumstances in my life that may have contributed to my diagnosis ?
What do I need to do to get better ? ( Spiritually, emotionally, nutritionally )
What is this cancer diagnosis trying to tell me?
What do I need to change?
Should I make a list?
Is there anyone in my life or past that I have not forgiven ?
What am I holding onto that could have led to this illness or diagnosis ?
What do I need to look at?
What do I need to let go of?
Could I get on my knees and ask God for guidance for every inportant decision?
Remember: I am not a body I am free---for I am still as God created me ( ACIMs )
